If you've chosen a church wedding, we would love to help you create a service which is meaningful and personal to you. Click here for their guide to music and readings for your special day.
A book that may help you in preparing for both the big day and your future together is available from Church House Publishing: 'Growing Together? A guide for couples getting married'
Further information and guidance on the marriage service itself is available here.
Thinking about a church wedding?
Read our frequently asked questions to find out more:
Q/ What do Christians believe about marriage?
A/ Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God. In the marriage ceremony, a couple make a public declaration of lifelong commitment to love each other, come what may.
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Q/ Where can I get married?
A/ Everyone lives in a parish and belongs to a parish church. That’s the church you should contact for more information about getting married.
Q/ I’m not baptised. I don’t go to church. Can I still get married in church?
A/ Yes! If you live in the parish of the church you want to marry in.
Q/ How do I book the church?
A/ Get in touch with your local parish priest.
He or she will probably wish to meet with you in person to discuss your plans.
Q/ What if I want to be married in a different church?
A/ If you are a regular worshipper in that church, it is usually possible to be married there. Just speak to your minister.
If you are not a regular worshipper why not start attending? You will normally be expected to attend services for some time before becoming eligible to be married there.
If you have a special connection with the church, you can apply for a Special Licence. To apply or find out more contact The Faculty Office, 1 The Sanctuary, Westminster, London SW1P 3JT tel: 020 7222 5381
Q/ We’ve decided to get married abroad but we would like a church blessing. Is that possible?
A/ There is no reason why you shouldn’t do this, provided your vicar is happy. There is a service of prayer and dedication after a civil ceremony and this can be adapted. There are no legal requirements or set fees.
Q/ I’m divorced. Can I still get married in church?
The Church of England believes that marriage is for life. But it recognises that sadly, some marriages do fail. In exceptional circumstances, the Church accepts that a divorced person may marry again.
Speak to your parish priest. He or she will want to talk to you frankly about your past and your hopes for the future. Even if it is not possible to do your wedding, they may be willing to offer you service of prayer and dedication after a civil ceremony.
Marriage in church after divorce, is available or can be ordered from Church House Bookshop, tel: 020 7898 1300
Q/ I’m Church of England and he’s a Catholic. Does that matter?
A/ People of all denominations have a right to be married in their parish church (provided they have not been married before). So it doesn’t matter from the Church of England’s perspective.
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Q/Why do we need marriage preparation?
You have probably invested a lot of time planning your wedding. The day is important but your marriage should last for the rest of your life. However much you think you know each other, you are still two separate individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, hopes and fears. Churches often offer an opportunity to talk through these issues, sometimes as a group with other couples.
Q/ What are the legal requirements?
A/ The normal preliminary to getting married in the Church of England is by banns.
If you are under the age of eighteen, you must have your parents’ consent to marry.
There are circumstances where some form of licence, such as a common licence or special licence, is more appropriate. Your priest or minister will discuss with you what you need to do.
There are special guidelines on church marriage if you have been divorced (See question above).
Q/ How much will it cost?
A/ The legal fees for a marriage cover the publication of the banns, the marriage service and a certificate of marriage. These fees are fixed centrally and will be between £170-£250.
These fees do not cover any extras you may wish to have for the service, such as a choir, organist, bell-ringers, special lighting, fees for video recording and so on. Check with your parish priest.
Q/ Can we be involved in planning the service?
A/ Yes. You can choose to have a modern language service or one in more traditional language including the Book of Common Prayer service.
For some ideas about hymns and readings, click here.
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Q/ Should we have one or two rings?
A/ A wedding ring is a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, and of the commitment you are making to each other. It is entirely up to you whether you have one ring or two.
Q/ Can I marry in any other colour than white?
A/ Yes
Q/ Can we have a video recording of the service?
A/ You will need to ask permission from the parish priest
Q/ Do you have rehearsals?
A/ The minister taking your service will probably want to meet you and the other people taking part in the service before the wedding, in the church, to talk to you all about what to expect.
Q/ What about flowers in church?
A/ Many churches can do these for you at a reasonable charge and the flower arranger will be happy to discuss what you want. You can also do your own or engage your own florist.
Q/ May we marry on a Sunday?
A /Although you have the right to get married in a church, the time of the service is decided by negotiation with your minister. It must be between 8am and 6pm and not clash with other services. Therefore you could get married on a Sunday provided it was not at a time of the normal Sunday services and the minister was willing to do it.
Q/What happens if one of us lives abroad?
A/ Marriage by Common Licence can take place on the basis of one of the couple living in the parish or regularly attending the church without any action being necessary where the other party lives. Your vicar will know how to apply for a Common Licence (see above if it is a particular country). However, because most clergy or churches like to offer marriage preparation, they like to see you both.
Q/ What happens if one of us is a foreign national?
A/ If one is a national of a country outside Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, the EU or USA The Church has a responsibility to conduct marriages which will be recognised in the country the bride or groom comes from. This is done for the couple’s benefit not just for bureaucracy. Therefore, the Faculty Office strongly recommends that these marriages should be done by Common Licence rather than banns and some dioceses ask the person to obtain from the relevant embassy or consulate a letter saying their marriage will be recognised. There are now stricter rules applied by the Civil registry office to prevent ‘sham’ marriages.
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Music & readings for your wedding day top of page
Readings
There are many popular and exciting readings. Read some of these together and see if what they say seems important to you.
- God creates women and men to look after the earth (Genesis, Chapter 1, verses 26-28)
- A love poem between two lovers (Song of Solomon, Chapter 2, verses 10-13; Chapter 8, verses 6&7)
- Jesus teaches how to live life that brings true happiness (Matthew, Chapter 5, verses 1-10)
- Jesus teaches about marriage, and welcomes children (Mark, Chapter 10, verses 6-9 and 13-16
- What happens when Jesus attends a wedding reception (John, Chapter 2, verses 1 - 11)
- Love, actually! (1 Corinthians Chapter 13)
- Committing to each other (Ephesians Chapter 5, verses 21-33)
- Seeing the good side… (Philippians Chapter 4, verses 4 - 9)
- Getting the perfect relationship (Colossians Chapter 3, verses 12 - 17)
- Being a good lover! (1 John Chapter 4 verses 7 - 12)
Your minister will be pleased to help you choose the right readings for your wedding service. As well as other Bible readings, she or he may be happy for you to include a suitable non-religious reading. Choices have been as diverse as 'Winnie the Pooh' and 'Captain Corelli'!
Hymns
There are usually two or three hymns during a wedding service. Try to find hymns that are familiar to those who will be present - and are easy to sing!
The following are popular choices:
- All things bright and beautiful
- Come down O love divine
- Father hear the prayer we offer
- Give me joy in my heart
- Love divine, all loves excelling
- Lead us, heavenly Father, lead us
- Lord of all hopefulness
- Make me a channel of your peace
- Morning has broken
- One more step along the world I go
- O, praise ye the Lord
- Now thank we all our God
- Praise my soul, the king of heaven
- The king of love my shepherd is
The minister or the organist at the church where you are to be married will be pleased to help you make your choice.
Processional music
Many couples choose the traditional "Bridal March" from Lohengrin by Wagner and "Wedding March" by Mendelssohn. However, there is other music that can be chosen, so if you want something different, talk to your organist about this. They will advise on what will sound good on the instrument in church. Some churches allow recorded music to be used; speak to your minister.
Beginning the service
Traditionally, the bride and groom enter the church separately - the groom first with the best man, and the bride at the time set for the start of the service, on the arm of her father or another relative or friend (it does not need to be a man). However, the bride may enter alone if she wishes, or the couple may enter together.
The minister will welcome the congregation. Your family and friends have an important role to play as witnesses and supporters of your marriage.
The minister will read an introduction explaining what Christians believe about marriage. He or she will also ask, as the law requires, if anyone knows any reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place.
Declarations
You will be asked to promise before God, your friends and your families, that you will love, comfort, honour and protect your partner and be faithful to them as long as you both shall live.
The minister will also ask the congregation to declare that they will support and uphold your marriage.
Vows
Turning to each other, the bride and groom take each other’s right hand and make vows:
'to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part'
Rings
The couple then exchange a ring or rings as a 'sign of their marriage' and a reminder of the vows:
'With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.'
Proclamation
The minister will then declare that you are now husband and wife. The minister does not 'marry you'; you marry each other. The minister just directs you in this and then tells everyone that you have done it properly.
Prayers
In the prayers God’s blessing and help is asked for you. There may be a prayer for the gift of children, but every couple will have their own feelings about this, so it's best to discuss the details with your minister. You may wish to help choose the prayers or to write your own.
Readings and talk or sermon
It is usual to have one or more readings (one of which should be from the Bible) and the minister will generally give a talk or sermon.
Signing of the register
After you have exchanged your vows, the bride, groom and two witnesses must sign the register. This is a legal requirement and the minister will give you a copy of the marriage certificate.
A wedding is one day - a marriage is a lifetime
You have probably already spent many hours planning your wedding. There are so many things to think about - the dress, the cake, whom to invite, the honeymoon. All of these are important, but the wedding is just one day, while marriage should last for the rest of your lives.
Alongside the wedding preparations it is also important to spend time as a couple talking through your expectations of marriage. However much you think you have in common, you are still two separate individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, hopes and fears. The minister who is taking your service will probably want to spend some time with you talking through these issues.
Churches sometimes offer marriage preparation, perhaps as part of a group with other couples. This gives you an opportunity to think through possible areas of difficulty and how you will handle them as a couple.
Topics might include:
- Communication
- Money
- Coping with conflict
- Sex
- In-laws and family issues
- Children
We hope that you have a wonderful wedding day and that it will mark the beginning of a long and very happy marriage.
What do Christians believe about marriage?Top of Page
Q/ What do Christians believe about marriage?
A/ Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God. In the marriage ceremony, a couple make a public declaration of lifelong commitment to love each other, come what may.
The Bible compares married love with the love Jesus has for his followers. He expressed his love by being prepared to sacrifice himself, even to die for the people he loved. This is amazing, unconditional love. Jesus never said 'I love you, but …'.
In our marriage we can try to follow his model by loving each other in a self-sacrificial way, putting our partner’s needs before our own.
The marriage ceremony gives you a new legal status as husband and wife. Christians believe that marriage offers the right place for the fulfilment of our sexuality and a stable and secure environment for bringing up children.
I’m Church of England and he’s a Catholic. Does that matter?Top of Page
Q/ I’m Church of England and he’s a Catholic. Does that matter?
A/ People of all denominations have a right to be married in their parish church (provided they have not been married before). So it doesn’t matter from the Church of England’s perspective.
If one of you is a Roman Catholic and you want the Roman Catholic Church to recognise your marriage, you will need to ask for permission to marry someone who is not a Roman Catholic. There is usually no difficulty about this, as long as the Roman Catholic partner is willing to give the undertaking that he or she will do all he or she can within the unity of the (marriage) partnership to have the children baptised and brought up in the Catholic faith.
See www.interchurchfamilies.org.uk for more information.
Legal Preliminaries to marriage - what are banns?Top of Page
Banns are an announcement of your intention to marry and a chance for anyone to put forward a reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place.
Banns need to be read in the parish where each of you lives as well as the church in which you are to be married if that is another parish.
You must have your banns read out in church for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding. This is often done over three consecutive Sundays but does not have to be.
Can we be involved in planning the service?Top of Page
Q/ Can we be involved in planning the service?
A/ Yes. You can choose to have a modern language service or one in more traditional language including the Book of Common Prayer service.
There will also be some prayers, which you may help to choose, or you may write your own. You may want to involve friends and family members in the service, for example by doing a reading or a prayer or playing a musical instrument.
Your parish priest or the church organist can advise on suitable hymns and songs, as well as music for coming in, going out and during the signing of the register.
Don’t forget: If you want to set out the words and/or music on a printed service sheet, you will need to remember to comply with copyright – your parish priest should be able to help you with this.
